June 2019 - Cooper

Gwen is 41, Arnaud is 43.

Narrated by Gwen Cooper

I've never much liked the silence. So when I drive my car along the peaceful roads of the more quieter parts of Bristol Bay, I turn the radio on and listen to the casual babble of the presenter. I never feel the need to speak too much myself, but I just love the sound of another human being's voice. I grew up in a house filled with noises, with a crowd of older brothers and sisters. I've always been the one to observe, not the one to be in the spotlight. I'm the one on the background, the one who makes sure everyone else is doing fine. I'm the one who organizes everything and takes care of other people.

The summer vacation had already started for the students of Bristol High, but I was still working. The whole building was almost empty, and I could heart the echo every time I pressed one of the buttons on my computer's keyboard. I was writing something, but I can't remember anymore what it was. I am the principal, and I love my job, but not for all the paperwork.

At the time, my office was just too quiet. There were two couches placed on both sides of the room, but there was nobody sitting there. I was alone, with a huge amount of work to do. For some reason, I couldn't quite bring myself to concentrate.

There was a beautiful view from the window of my office. I could see the rocks, I could see the ocean. There was also the bridge leading away from Bristol Bay. But there were no signs of life. I couldn't squint my eyes enough to be able to see the city itself – it was only a misty spot behind all the rocks. I knew we weren't far away, but still, I couldn't help but feel isolated. And I didn't like the feeling.

I had work to do, but I had no desire at the moment. I had some more important matters to be taken care of.

I had learned her phone number by heart almost the minute she got her first cellphone. It took me only about two and a half seconds to dial it.

She didn't answer straight away. I had to call her once, twice before she picked up. Once she did, she sounded breathless.

“Hello?”

I could hear a masculine voice whispering on the background.

“Hi, sweetie, it's me”, I said cautiously. “How are you?”

“Good”, she replied quickly, as if she would have wanted to hang up as soon as possible. “What about you, mom?”

“I'm fine, thanks for asking. I was just thinking about you.”

“Mom, I'm kind of in the middle of something.” She sounded unwilling. “If you don't have anything else to say, could we please leave this for another day?”

“But your classes ended a few weeks ago”, I insisted. “Besides, I really feel like we should talk. Could you come and meet me today for lunch? I'll pay for your cab ride.”

There was a short pause. Then, I heard her taking a deep breath. “There's no need for you to do that, mom. I'm already in Bristol Bay. Fine, I'll meet you.”

I arrived first at the restaurant. I decided to ask for a table outside since the sun was shining but it wasn't nearly as hot as it had been during the first weeks of the month.

It took my daughter about half an hour to finally get there. She had a bright smile on her face as she approached the table.

But suddenly, she became serious. Maybe she had seen the worried expression on my face.

“What is it?” she sighed as she sat down at the table.

But before I could say anything, the waiter was there to take our order. Carla ordered the most expensive dish on the menu – it was so typical for her; to benefit from the fact that I was paying. But still, she was my daughter and I couldn't be mad at her.

We both stayed quiet for a while. I didn't quite know how to approach the topic.

“Listen, Carla”, I started slowly. “I know you were put on academic probation.”

She didn't say a thing. She just took a sip of her water.

“How did you find out?” she finally asked.

“Carla.” I sighed. “I'm the principal of Bristol High. I know people, I work with people.”

She took another sip of her water and I started looking at the menu.

…

One of my favorite things in life is lounging on the living room couch, watching TV and cuddling with my husband. I just love slouching against his strong and warm body and listening to his deep, thoughtful voice.

We got married four years ago and for the last two years of our marriage, there's been just the two of us. We moved into this smaller apartment last summer, and there really isn't any extra space. But still, at times it gets too quiet. Both Arnaud and I have always been very family oriented and miss the kids a lot. Of course, we love to have some time only for the two of us, but especially for me, life has been feeling quite empty lately.

Arnaud understands me perfectly. At first, he was very thrilled with the idea of having the house only for us, but over time, he started missing his children, as well. James still comes to visit quite often, since he lives only a few blocks away, but it's not the same as having him living with us.

I have only known Arnaud's children for five years, but I love them equally as much as I love my own daughter. I know the relationship between him and Carla isn't quite as simple, but my guess is that it's just due to the fact that they've never actually lived under the same roof. When we got married, Carla was already at college.

My husband also knows how worried I currently am about my daughter. He made me calm down a little bit by telling me how intelligent Carla really was and how she only needed some motivation.

We also agreed we would invite all our kids for dinner tomorrow night. James should be able to get a night off from work and the girls didn't have classes before August.

It made me feel a lot easier about everything. It would be good to have dinner as a family once again, after such a long time apart. The thing I wanted the most was to be able to create a real bond between all of the members of our blended family.

…

At times I feel like Arnaud and I have all the time in the world in our hands. We can spend hours and hours, in bed, getting lost in each other. Arnaud enjoys it the most, being the more physical type he is. Of course I love it, as well, but in my opinion, there's just so much more to a real relationship. He was never much of a conversationalist but within the time we've been married, I think he has learned to express himself a bit better by words. I've taught him that, whereas he's showed me all the ways of intimacy. He is a strong man, but not only physically. He raised two kids all alone, after the tragic death of his wife 18 years ago. He sometimes talks about her, and I'm not intimidated by it. In my opinion, it is only a good thing that he admits he's never stopped loving her.

Sometimes, by even the mere mention of her, I start thinking about my own romantic history. My ridiculous ex-husband, who by now, should be living somewhere in California. The idiotic scumbag who cheated on me and then left me alone with a 3-year-old. Somebody might think Arnaud and I had a lot in common in that way, but in reality, our pasts couldn't be any different. My ex, the father of my daughter, walked away because he wanted to. He never loved me. But Arnaud's wife, the mother of his children, wouldn't have left him.

I suppose the people in Bristol Bay are happy for us. They knew Kirsten, James and Jessica's mother, but they also saw how sad Arnaud was through all those years he spent alone. I believe I've made a difference. I know people used to know him as the depressed, yet incredibly attractive, bartender. I manage to get him out of the house every now and then, and not just to go to work.

There was the night we went for dinner, at Giovanni's, all the five of us. The table was big, too big for us, and it didn't help us to create the feeling of cohesiveness I was looking for. At first, it was like five strangers having dinner together.

James normally talks a lot, but that night, he was awfully quiet. He just kept staring at the menu, which made me worry whether he was making enough money at the garage to buy any food.

“Listen, everyone”, I started, looking at James, “I know you're all kind of short on budget these days. Dinner's on me.”

The girls didn't say anything. It's not abnormal behavior from Jessica, but Carla tends to be a lot more talkative. The other day, our lunch hadn't gone very well, but I had wished she would've gone back to normal by now. After all, I hadn't even lectured her properly – I had only told her how disappointed I was.

Arnaud was the one to break the ice.

“So, James”, he started calmly. “How's your roommate doing?”

“He's doing great”, James replied with a smile. The change of expression on his face made him look a lot more like his normal self. “He's playing for the local soccer team, you know, and he's really good. He's always giving me all these tickets. I was just about to ask you if you wanted to go and see a game with me.”

“Sounds good to me”, Arnaud said and suddenly took my hand. “Maybe Gwen would like to join us?”

I didn't quite know how to react. “I don't know anything about soccer”, I finally stuttered. “Besides, I think it's the best if you two go alone. You know, as a father and son thing.”
I didn't look at James. I was afraid. I loved him, but I wasn't sure how he felt about me.

“Okay”, I heard Arnaud say. “Then we'll go just the two of us.”

“I still remember how you guys used to sit hours and hours in front of the TV watching some stupid games”, Jessica suddenly said, with her soft, quiet voice – it was almost like a whisper. Sometimes, it was so easy to forget about her presence – she had this amazing talent of appearing almost invisible. “You were screaming like two crazy persons. That's one of my clearest childhood memories”, she added.

There was a silent pause. I inconspicuously glanced at Carla, and noticed she was looking at me, as well. Nobody said anything.

It was a long silence, that was finally broken by Carla.

“What I remember from my childhood”, she started, taking a second or two to think between every word, “is how much I loved my mom. She was always there for me.”

Another silence. I looked at Jessica, who was petrified. I didn't want to believe my daughter had meant to hurt anyone's feelings, but I could tell Jessica was very uneasy.

The food came. It all looked delicious, as usual at Giovanni's. Everyone grabbed their utensils, without saying a word.

“Oh Gosh, you didn't take that the wrong way, did you?” Carla suddenly exclaimed. “I only meant it as a compliment. I was just trying to make it all up to you, mom.”

Jessica was looking at Carla. I wasn't able to read the expression on her face, but it didn't seem like she believed what Carla had just said.

I had known for years that the relationship between my daughter and my step-daughter had been a little rough. Still, I had always imagined it had only been due to their age – Jessica was only 15 back at the time, a teenager. But now I was able to see how far things had really gone – even if Carla hadn't meant what she had said in the way all of us had interpreted it, Jessica had taken it as a indication of the fact that she had grown up without a mother.
I didn't want to believe my own daughter could be so cruel.

“Seriously, cheer up, everyone”, Carla tried.

So we ate in silence.


~~~
• I'm sorry, but the writing is terrible this time since I had to search for so many words in a dictionary (English is not my first language). Still, I like telling the story of this family because there's so much drama.
• Gwen is always rolling wants for her daughter, but also for Jessica and James. Arnaud mostly just rolls wants for her with the occasional work related ones.
• Every female in town just loves Arnaud. He has 3 bolts with almost everyone he meets, but he is very much in love with Gwen. He's only been with 2 women, but doesn't feel like he's missing out on anything.
• And the kids. Well, Carla is still dating Alec. She is showing no interest in graduating, but as Claudia said to her, there would be no sense in dropping out now. And James, well, he's been sleeping around a little, but Coco's still the only girl he's ever loved. They haven't seen each other in a long time, but he's still thinking about her. And then there's Jessica, who finally seems to know what her sexual orientation is. Took her long enough.